Adventures of an Alcoholic
by fivesmiles
Summary: 305 : I made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if I failed the breathalyzer.


Bonnie had never been this drunk in her life.

Granted she hardly drank because she was such a lightweight but she had always managed to stay in full control of her limbs.

And right now she could barely walk.

Which was why she was in such a predicament. Earlier that night her, Caroline, and Elena had went to a party some rich Abercrombie-looking dude was throwing. It started off well: they were all together, drinking, laughing, having a good time. But somewhere between the third shot and second beer she lost them. She vaguely remembers seeing Caroline run off with one of the boys that they were drinking with but has no recollection of where Elena went off to.

After stumbling about for a bit searching for them and getting hit on by a douche bag she decided it'd be a good time to leave the party and get away from the creep. She had originally arrived in a car, but her house wasn't too far, and it was a nice night.

And that's where she was now. Stumbling down the street singing off-key to her favorite Disney songs. Which was why she only noticed the cop car coming up to her too late and she didn't have time to compose herself and act normal. Or attempt to run away.

"Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun," Bonnie belched loudly, almost falling over the side of the sidewalk. She was just about to start up again when she heard someone clear their throat from behind her.

Thoughts raced through her head. Maybe it was that guy from the party and he followed her. Maybe it was someone who wanted to rob her. Maybe it was a murderer. She decided the only way to get whoever it was to leave her alone she needed to be ugly.

So she drooped her mouth to one side and closed one eye and tried to scrunch up her face. She turned around ready for him to run away at her face when she finally noticed it was a cop. She immediately put her face back to normal. Not only was he a cop, but he was a cute cop. A really cute cop. Maybe he'd take her in the back of his car.

Ohhhh, yeah.

And maybe he'd let her use his gun. And drive his car. They could go bust down a drug-dealers door and she could tazer the fuck out of him. And give him some long-winded speech about how much of a fuck up he was and be the leading cause for him to get better. Holy crap. She just turned his life around for the better. He'd be forever grateful. She might even get an article in the paper about her humanitarianism.

Sweeeet.

"I appreciate the compliment but none of that is going to happen." The pale, muscular cop spoke up for the first time.

At that moment she realized she was speaking out loud. Normally, she would be horrified but right now with all the alcohol impairing her judgment she couldn't care less.

"Listen, officer." She slurred, squinting her eyes to read his badge, "Officer Steve. I'm very late for work, and I realize you want my hot body but we just can't be. Our two worlds can never collide or surely disaster would ensue." She was actually really surprised she could say those words right now, however long they took for her to actually get out. "Fair winds, my love."

She turned around and started to speed-stumble down the street hoping he would believe her poor excuse of needing to get to work. In her mind it sounded perfectly legitimate, even if it was almost three in the morning.

He stood there agape for a second, before he came to and started to run after her.

"Wait, wait! Miss, how much have you had to drink tonight?" He asked as he caught up to her swiveling her around to face him. She lost her footing and fell into her chest. His very muscular chest. She restrained herself from coping a feel. He held her for a moment before steadying her on her own to feet.

At that moment, in her liquor-induced brain came to the conclusion that this cop had already fallen in love with her, what with him holding her and all.

She sighed trying to make eye contact with his oh so blue eyes as best as she could.

They were so pretty. And blue. Like whales.

"Steve, I'm sorry. But I just met you. I know I can be irresistible but we just don't know each other. You're hot, but I have too many morals to give you the sweet lovin' you want right now." In all honesty she didn't have any morals right now. But even drunk she knew not to come onto a cop.

Hopefully.

He smiled a little at that but composed himself quickly. "I'm gonna need you to come back to my car with me."

Sensing the trouble she was in Bonnie quickly looked around for some escape. When she looked down she thought of a brilliant plan.

Bending down she dove for his pants and attempted to de-pants him. However, the belt he was wearing stopped that from happening and she was only able to get it down an inch before the belt stopped it.

He gasped, reaching down to grab his pants and at the same time grabbing onto her arm to keep her from stumbling away. He looked at her, eyes wide, before he started to laugh. Bonnie assumed she was gonna get in a lot of trouble for doing that, but when he didn't yell at her she began to laugh as well.

He continued to laugh as he lead her back to his car. Bonnie knew at this point she shouldn't push her luck anymore and reluctantly went with him. When they got to his car he reached in and took out some weird looking mechanism.

"I'm gonna need you to blow into this and we'll see how drunk you are." He said as he began to get it prepared for her.

There were other things she wanted to blow at this moment but it wasn't the breathalyzer. Hint, hint, wink, wink. He handed it over and she was just about to blow into it before she stopped.

"Before I do this you have to pinky promise me you won't arrest me, whatever the outcome is." She held up her pinky finger.

He looked at her aghast that she would even try that. He shook his head and entwined his pinky with hers rolling his eyes. She gave him a smile and did as she was told not noticing the way his breath hitched a bit at her gorgeous smile.

As it beeped she handed it back to him happily. He took it from her and his eyes widened a bit at how high the number was. He glanced at her wondering how she was even standing right now.

"We should get you home." He declared putting the breathalyzer back in his car. She smiled again and grabbed his arm.

"Yes! That's where I was trying to get to before you started hitting on me." He chuckled and grabbed onto her arm too, leading her towards the passenger side and opening the door for her.

"Now, you must know I don't do this for all the drunk girls I see stumbling down the street at three a.m. But I think you're different so I'll let you off with a warning."

She giggled and looked up at him as she began to buckle her seatbelt. For a second he was struck with how beautiful this girl really was. He knew he could get in some serious trouble for all this but right now he didn't care.

"Hey, stop looking at me like that, Steve. I told you already we can't fall in love, it's too dangerous." She sighed leaning back in her seat looking up at him.

He smiled down at her. "It's Stefan, actually."

"Stefan. I like that name. It fits you." She gave him a soft smile before leaning up towards him. "But that still doesn't change the fact that we must never be."

As he laughed again he realized this is the most he's laughed in a while. "Of coarse." And with that he shut the door and walked over to the drivers side.

As he started the ignition he asked for directions to her house and yawning she gave it to him. He smiled as she nuzzled into his seat and shut her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Bonnie woke up with a groan and a pounding head. She sat up and stretched and noticed their was a glass of water and some aspirin waiting for her on her bedside table. She looked at it confused before shrugging her shoulders and thinking her drunk self was probably just looking out for her sober self. She took the aspirin and chugged the rest of the water before walking over to her attached bathroom.

She took the best piss of her life and then walked over to her sink and washed her hands. It was at that moment she noticed what was written on her forehead and the events of last night came back to her.

Call me,

555-6278

-Stefan

She smiled. "That douche."

A/N: So, I must be honest. I don't watch TVD. But tumblr has caused me to fall in love with Bonnie. Especially her with Stefan. And I heard Bonnie was lightweight and I think with alcohol in her system it would make her really silly. Also, I think we can all agree Stefan should never be a cop. He's awful. Anywhoo, I hope you enjoyed(:

Disclaimer applied.


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